It's beyond me, the weight of the world

I want to lay my head on the table and drift off (where I think of you and everything's ok) and let other smarter beings think for me. Sianzz, is quite an understatement. I don't remember feeling this bad for Os, but then again I didn't do as badly for Os, possibly. Going to miss studying at NY though (: ): until Grand Hyatt then.

Because I can't resist stealing from Po,

Yeah I miss my you you you you you and you sorely too, plus the banisters which are going to be torn down soon. Hurry hurry 25th!

GMOs, here I come. How... mundane.

How many times must I tell myself to stop fking crying at the littlest things.

My brother dreamt that he realised his entry proof wasn't with with him right at the start of his Lit paper, so he ran to the office to print. But they were out of paper so the staff had to make paper.. out of wood pulp. In his words: "I was very exasperated while waiting for the pulp to dry." So he missed the paper. And this dream was AFTER Os ended. He's weirder than me alright.

Today we watched 3 movies.

I wanted to type something long meaningful and inspiring but. Goodnight.

King of the animal kingdom, because its name always comes first (:

and now i'm off to save the world once again
but i don't know how i'll pull it off this time
i think i'm going to drown
and it's the saddest song you'll ever hear
the most pain you will ever feel
but you grit your teeth because it don't get better that this (know this)
and you'll try to explain as the blood leave all your veins
and you can't think of anything that you would change

Hardest parts of KI & Bio dealt with, now we.. try to stop being so restless and study Chem.

I feel like screaming when people treat me like spun sugar. I won't disintegrate into a heap of nerves just because you behave normally towards me, seriously. But thanks for keeping my distractions at bay anw my weekend study group, even though most of you could have been off playing (:

(When asked what my greatest regret about leaving RJ is, said I: Not learning all the words to the school song. The tune becomes quite endearing after 2 years.)

"Are you taking MRT?"
"No. Train."

"It was so scary, I had to go in myself, one by one."
"...You got alot of yourself ah?"

Maybe we just have to trade in some sanity for high productivity. Chem has never been so fulfilling or exciting -notes the impassioned exchange after mock paper over ratio of acid : salt. OK PRETEND ITS APPLES AND GRAPES! Reply: It could be giant grapes!!! And Slum reads my mind which is scary, though I read hers too sometimes xP Frankenstein needs to tell me his real name.

Yesterday I met people, and my prospective pet. I really really want to adopt him home, such cuteness should be protected jealously!!! Please? (:

Chem makes me unstable, damn.

And I don't want to think about what will happen exactly one month later. (why did you have to remind me sigh) We'll have fun sure and we always dreamt about leaving mugging furiously, TYSes and school uniforms behind but. It's one place we can't go back to once we leave.




鹿港小鎮...

I felt like a char siew pau today (mixed feelings), and it wasn't the least bit fun. Studied in a nice classroom with Slum, bear & a few strangers. We, as in Slum bear me, had really weird+confused+funny conversations. I'm getting used to studying with strange blends of friends. OreA cheesecake was yum, despite the association to urea. Then we went home & I had/have stomach flu-like symptoms with a slight cold. "Ivan's stomach sneezed to your stomach?" We'll never know. Shrugs. Green's a nice colour right?(: Except when it's on a baleful iguana. Shoo. I cried listening to No More Pretending, need to stop being so weak.

I hope no one gets lynched by the mob tmr! The fattest person will throw herself over the others to protect them then..  T.T

So I sat there, heart fluttering, not daring to hope but unable to let go of the growing droplet of warmth.

Too close for comfort, too close for me to take a steadying breath.

( edit// a dollop of sunshine )

THE TIME FOR SHAME IS PAST.

The most important piece of knowledge for the time being. Bye.

& Ris (not Low) creates havoc in rj :D

A lovely conversation I found in my ancient diary.
Mer: Where did you, Shuh and Rara go yesterday?
Ris: As a threesome, we did... stuff...
M: What... stuff?
R: You know, stuff that only threesomes can do.
M: Does Shuh know?
R: Nope, she was drugged and me & Rara played with her.
Haha. It was so long ago, I truly don't remember that.. I went out with Rara before?? God I miss those times, those friends.

Because friends before last year were much less complicated, much less exhausting and I can know for sure that they'll stand by me. We've gone through so much, fought like rabid cats even, but bounced back together in the end. Now... tiring and uncertain. Not individuals, but just in general. Or maybe it's just me, I've lost the ability to trust completely/become so selfish that I can't give my fullest to anyone.

World peace.

"Being gay is a  prezygotic barrier."

Here goes the official end of school. The mood was like, whatever, more cous-cous please. But yeah, subconsciously I've started to miss 3P. No more after-sch chitchat like today? ): As for the other after-sch stuff that took place, I'm sure they'll happen again. Wholesome goodness.


(:

From the MOE internship form:
Have you been or are you under any financial embarrassment i.e. (a) an undischarged bankrupt, (b) a judgement debtor, (c) have unsecured debts and liabilities of more than 3 months of last-drawn pay, (d) have signed a promissory note or an acknowledgement of indebtedness?
As if they're nothing more than the slight discomfort you feel when you slip & fall in front of strangers.

MOE internship?!?!+words like subject to CPF contributions make me feel all almost-grown-up and.. scared. Rah.

More studying.

Best thing that happened today: We didn't get back results after all. Longer period of denial. Har har.

Next best: My parents came home, with many bottles of fresh goat's milk.

Don't give a flying duck.

I'm scared. What a big difference one word can make. Clinical. Add that in front of ______, affix it to someone you care for so much you want to run away. Can't stop trembling.

The picture shall speak for itself.

Gerard Butler & Eric Winter are positively scrumptious :DI'm utterly bored and it's still not 8pm.

(Stargazing at CQ, zoo, night cycling?)

Ok maybe I'll go pack my bag for the millionth time. Bye.

Freedom, thy name is sweet like poisoned mead.

1 more, last hour of Bio ABCD tmr. The fresh air is practically wafting past my nose already! A well-deserved (right..) break to recharge before the real monster. HURRY HURRY HARI UP LILA DOWN.

When we talked on the phone, I realise that you can still finish my sentences after all.

The cinders they splinter
And light the path
These strange steps
Trace us back, trace us back

Flow sweetly hang heavy
You suddently complete me
You suddently complete me

How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to.

To my friends who have seen my ugly sides yet continue to hold my hand,
If all of you were to jump off a bridge, I won't follow, I'll be at the bottom to catch you when you fall. Helen Kellar said: walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. Absolutely. Thanks guys.

I'M GOING HOME NEXT WEEK. & just like that, I was crying. Happy tears (: What an exhilarating day.

2 DOWN, 2 MORE TO GO

Today's the first time a KI paper made me want to scream/scratch the paint off the walls. Hate double-paper days ): but KI's still awesome.

(Sleep at 12am, wake up at 3am, be frightfully high the entire day) x 3 

Chem's calling my name but sigh. I'll rather continue making post-prelim plans. Maybe this is why the weird sleeping pattern... I REALLY WANT TO STOP STUDYING NOW AND GO HIKING PLEASE.

Ok undesirable bus encounters to date:

-The ahbeng who plonked himself down beside me and couldn't stop shaking his legs violently while tapping his ez-link card on every finger like doing a finger-card dance

-The very benign and kind-looking aunty who STARED at me throughout the whole ride. Not in the 'you got vege in your teeth' way but in a 'i can see to the deepest recesses of your soul' way. When I moved away from her sight, she actually pushed her son's head back to continue staring. F r e a k y.

-Today. A little boy fell asleep on my shoulder and called me mummy.

I want private chauffeur damn.

This is a small out-pour of my pent-up ramblings sorry.

):

Oh damn I sort of promised Ris not to have unhappy posts anymore. Then this shall be classified as: NOT SAD, JUST VAGUELY REBELLIOUS. Cheers.

P.S. Bio paper was funny today.
What's the mapping distance between the 2 genes? (Something like that.)
"10 km."
What does having feathers suggest about the life of theropods(dinosaurs)?"
"They shed." or
"They get a bit fluffy if the wind's too strong."

"Don't ask, it's forbidden to know, what final fate the gods have
what end the gods will give me or you, Leuconoe. Don't play with Babylonian
fortune-telling either. It is better to endure whatever will be.
Whether Jupiter has allotted to you many more winters or this final one
which even now wears out the Tyrrhenian sea on the rocks placed opposite
— be smart, drink your wine. Scale back your long hopes
to a short period. While we speak, envious time will have already fled

Seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow."

Yesterday was an OMFG!!! sort of day. My mind spun out of my relatively innocent and sheltered world. Bah I miss Laogong ): but we can't meet up until after exams, hopefully with good news...

It's easy to fall out, now we've to find our way back in. We'll talk, not now.

Tomorrow. Something wicked this way comes. It has been said to death but all the best everyone.

Stay strong
You are not lost
Come on and fix your eyes ahead
There's a new dawn to light our day, our day
You've gotta stay strong
You and I run
For the prize that lies ahead
We've come too far to lose our way, our way

Edit//
The tile of one of Jace's posts:

Why buy the cow if you get the sex to free?

-blinks-

I've never felt more elated to be alive. After 100kph on a motorcycle, rain pelting down like rocks and a gigantic rearview mirror almost taking off my hapless head. Never trust the over-zealous newly licensed.

You know your friend badly needs a break if she bursts into tears at the sight of a 7-11 choc muffin, not because there's some sentimental value attached, but because SHE HASN'T EATEN ONE IN A LONG TIME. ...I'm going to buy you a truckload before As, just in case.

Sam asks, "How to get into OCS from sispec?" With all seriousness, J replies, "Apply online." Jw elaborates, "Need SAT score." And we all sip our icecream solemnly. It has been months but the MR11 humour's still... big & beautiful :D

Frankly, I like exams. Keep my mind off things.

nigel says:
5 days sit in the jungle with only 1 and a half day's worth of rations
 u have to kill a quail
 by twisting its head off
 and u have to skin it, gut it, eat it
NOOOOOOOOO.
...
Shuh says:
 ha ha ha
 u dig in the ground?
 is 5days enough to grow a herd of sweet potatoes?
Hmm.

To Anonymous tagger, whichever lame cowardly person you are, just stop it already. I don't know what you're trying to achieve with all your vicious comments at me and my friends but seriously, get a life. Or tell me your name. And don't come back.

Did I mention that I'll miss vice-principals who read storybooks to us on stage?



Yeah he did.

Today's the last official school day in my entire LIFE. ): And so we started taking bucketfuls of photos during the 3hr break which was supposed to be spent studying, bless Olls & her charger. Meh I miss those crazy little things that happen in class which may seem unimportant to other people but have made my school life that much brighter. We're real special (: & so it goes.




Happy Teachers' Day!



And many many more & I like them all equally.

Instead of being annoyed over the loud, awful & raucous getai music coming from downstairs like last night, I started singing along. I never knew I could articulate hokkien. & when they started singing 12 Lotus (PIPI I WANNA WATCH THE MOVIE AGAIN), I belted it out with all my might. Not good. Should have stayed in school til later... Omg Jack Neo & Hui ge are here. Hums.

Meeting up with og tmr, to inject a jolt of much-needed energy before our second-last lap (:
Have to stop crying over the smallest things. But, Heal The World's too sad.

Why am I watching Michael Jackson videos? Oh. Twitch. Dance. Twitch twitch.

Chase your dreams away
Glass needles in the hay
The sun forgives the clouds
You are my holy shroud
I dreamt but I didn't tell.

My sister asked my maid what she's cooking for dinner and she said "kukubird". She meant cucumber. If you know enough weird & fantastic people, life'll never be short of things to put you in hysterics :D




THAT'S THE SPIRIT! (And I miss us.)

I NEED to study at insanely cold places so that it's impossible to fall asleep. & food must be allowed, & the occasional raucous conversation too, & no lynching! Like RP (:

Tune out to the general babble, & the nastier things lurking in it.